I was watching the season 3 opening episode of Drop Dead Diva last night (don’t judge, its a fun show!) when on came Kim Kardashian as a Love Guru named Nikki LePree. She was speaking to one of the show’s characters, Jane, about what to do next about her love situation. “Nikki” actually gave good advice…if you feel like you need to let someone know that you really love them, then “leave it all out on the table.” Whether they choose you or not, that’s up to them, but you know that you’ve done all that you can do. You put it out there and you should feel good about that. (Mind you, this advice is for people who actually have some kind of relationship with the other person, not a don’t-really-know -them/stalker kind of situation). I know, for those of you with control issues, that concept sounds scary. But stick with me here as I give you some examples of why letting go and being authentic and open is important.
As I’ve said many times before, I am lucky to attract so many strong, beautiful, intelligent, successful women as clients. Some of them are in committed relationships and the others are looking towards creating one. And then there is that group of my clients that are in relationships that they can’t quite define. They often say to me that its because of the man and his lack of direction in the relationship that their situation is so wishy washy. They truly believe that they’ve been waiting for their guy to make the next move. But through the cards and further dialogue I see that most of the time, they are the ones that actually have the power. How did that show up? Well, example 1, I met with this gorgeous young producer who had been in a long distance love relationship for almost 5 years. But according to her, it wasn’t moving in the way she wanted. Even though he has shown her examples of his love – traveling to another country to spend the Christmas holidays with her and her family instead of his own, letting her staying in his place when she was in town, even when he was not in town, actually TELLING her he loved her ( to which she contested by saying something to the extent of “how can that be true when you didn’t do…. and didn’t do….”) So recently she has decided she wants to get closer to him, she wants to take the relationship to the next level. So what did she do? She told him she just wanted to be friends, even though that was exactly opposite what she wanted! This is what I refer to as High Priestess reversed, going against your intuition and tying to control a situation by being manipulative.
What she really wanted was for him to chase after her and beg to take the relationship to the next level. And maybe in a different kind of relationship that might work (yes, a dysfunctional inauthentic relationship) but in her particular situation she didn’t see that she was already going against the relationship dynamic they had created. The cards showed that she was the one who had most of the power and he followed her lead. Whenever he tried to show her love, she didn’t feel it was enough so she shut it down. He became used to her feeling unfulfilled and assumed over the years that she wasn’t fully into it, so while he loves her, he stopped trying so hard. Her fear of being vulnerable to him was pushing him away. And her final “This isn’t working out, I think we should just be friends” helped to push him further away, which was confirmed when he said “Now that I think about it, maybe you are right” I know ladies, we say these things to because we want them to chase us. But sometimes they actually LISTEN TO WHAT WE SAY AND BELIEVE US. So through our session I worked with her to figure out what she really wanted to say to him to get their relationship back on track. In fact the reading showed that if they were both able to break down their defensive blocks (The Tower) they would eventually get married.
Another client is this amazing attorney – she’s sharp, stylish, pretty, and successful – but she also does not like being “vulnerable.” She told me she doesn’t like to give up control of her emotions. She is very much an Emperor (masculine energy) So when this awesome loving guy came along and tried to get her to open up faster than she wanted, she balked and pushed him away and asked him to slow down. So guess what? He did. And even though she was seeing other people, she freaked out when she thought he might be too, and pretty much almost told him to go away. But luckily she came to see me before she did anything crazy. What I suggested for her to do instead was to be authentic, and let him know that she DIDN’T want to see other people and was hoping that he still felt the same way. While the cards said he might not respond the way she wants right away, I told her don’t let that affect her chance to be authentic. There is something very powerful and yet feminine about allowing yourself to be vulnerable. We can not control relationships because we can’t control what others think or feel (and why would we want to) but we can choose to do the best things for us. And that includes allowing love to come into our lives by putting it all out on the table.
*** If you are looking to change your destructive love habits and remove blocks that stop you from being authentic, join my Love Workshop starting Thursday June 7th. Click on the link for more info.
